This thread discusses the Content article:
Chapter 2: The Cart and the Coach
Greetings to you, Sir TheAdmiral!
Good morning!
A really fine continuation of your story today! There were a couple of things I wanted to comment on.
I love Joaquin's poetic appreciation of the color of grapes on a chill morning of a fresh new day. The whole sequence is delightful. I would like Joaquin even if I knew nothing more about him than that he is the sort that daily appreciates such small things in life, and treasures his blessings each new day.
I wasn't quite sure what to make of Enrique shying from Eleanor's hidden presence. Sometimes animals are attributed with a supernatural ability to sense menace. I found myself scrutinizing Eleanor as Joaquin greeted her. All seems well...perhaps Enrique is just old and losing her sight...
The action picks up quickly with the appearance of the (wizard?) and the temple ruins. Exciting stuff! Two thoughts I had were: Would you consider coming up with an Estalian name for the god (Manan? sp?). The other is a minor thing, would you consider using a descriptive term in place of the first 'He' on page 4? If I remember correctly there is a brief passage of time, he has been there so long the weather and time have changed. Plus there was the page 3 to page 4 break, so I briefly faltered, wondering which 'He' you were talking about as the paragraph opened. Perhaps instead 'The stranger' or 'the wizard'...?
All in all, wonderfully written, and full of surprises! It's distressing to see Joaquin and Eleanor (and Enrique too!) in such danger from the stranger! Can't wait to see what happens next!
----Gerard the Easterner