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Written by Gisoreux de Ponthieu
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Thursday, 12 June 2008 |
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Page 5 of 9
Three months passed and his mother made a full recovery thanks to the energy of Josserand. Soon he would be safe at last. Indeed, energised by the promise, he completed his training and mastery of sword and horse early. Josserand was standing as he saw one of the pickets on guard in the village storm up the road with all haste. An eerie feeling settled in his gut as he was remembered of the day ten years ago. Indeed the exhausted horse and man rode as fast as possible to the keep from whence his mother arrived.
Josserand sided with his mother as the picket related his story: “Milady, several mounted men are making their way here with great haste, bearing the grail heraldry and one riding a one-horned horse. They’ll arrive within an hour.”
The eyes of his mother filled with peril as she took in the news. “How do they know we reside here? Who has betrayed our whereabouts?”
One of the three loyal knights, Sir Merith, his trainer, stepped forward and confessed: “Milady, I hope my liege and you find forgiveness for this disloyal knight but the duty of a knight to the Lady, blessed her wisdom, presides over his love for his liege. You were wrong to hide the young one from his fate. Please don’t try to run, it’s useless: she’ll find him one way or the other.”
“Sir, leave this place you taint with your dishonoured presence. Gather your horse and things to never return. I hope the Lady forgives you for your treachery for we will not. You may find redemption for yourself as you realise the dagger you have plunged deep in your lord’s back,” his mother calmly but with great venom in her words told the knight, dismissing him instantly.
The eyes of the knight saddened as he turned and left in shame, never to return. Meanwhile the mother turned to her son in danger: “Make haste now, my beloved. Make haste and gather supplies and your weapon. You know the paths leading through the mountains. Hide and never return here or home for they’ll keep watch on us now. Go!”
The strength in her voice propelled him away as he stormed to his room to quickly gather his shield with no heraldry and battered longsword. His mind felt numb as he couldn’t inherit the true meaning of his flight. After he gathered what ample provisions he could, he also took a hunting bow and arrows and some gold pieces for the road. His mother was waiting at the deer track, her eyes not able to withstand the flood of tears.
“Farewell, my son, I’ll pray every day the Lady looks kindly on you.”
“Dear mother, I shall return one day.”
A last embrace and then he sped away. After he reached a small overlooking hill, Josserand looked back just in time to see the woman with the ice cold eyes and her emotionless guardians arrive on the courtyard. Her mother seemed so small as she addressed the Fay Enchantress whose eyes grew with spite as the discussion furthered. His heart seemed to beat more slowly as he awaited her reaction. Finally –after what seemed as hours- she turned the awe-inspiring unicorn and rode down, her back revealing great anger. Josserand pushed on, never to look back, relieved that his mother was safe.
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Last Updated ( Friday, 26 December 2008 )
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Discuss (7 posts)
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Josserand One-Hand
Jun 13 2008 17:21
This thread discusses the Content article: Josserand One-Hand by Gisoreux de Ponthieu.
Just read this, and it's very good writing. I have a few criticisms, however, though minor:
• don't put speech in italics, but put thoughts into italics ... just my personal preference, but I find writing reads more naturally like that.
• I spotted a few punctuation errors, most notably a few commas instead of semi colons, and ' ...," ' instead of what I believe to be correct ' "..." '
• At the end, it is clear you implied some kind of sexual act, or at least them kissing: "Her soft hands slowly caressed his shoulders, exploring and venturing deeper and deeper. Her lips were cold to the touch but tasted sweet. Josserand closed his eyes and didn’t open them again until the next morning. ". Leave that out. It's not necessary, and seems random, merely added because you felt like it ... it could fit, but not really when you're referring to the Fey Enchantress. Well written, but I feel it would be bettre without it.
A few very minor points, and otherwise very good ... your writing seems half-background, half-story, in its overall style which works very well and is very well written.
A fantastic read: I was hooked from the start. You're a very good writer, Gisoreux.  |
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Re:Josserand One-Hand
Jun 13 2008 18:25
MutantMaggot wrote:
This thread discusses the Content article: Josserand One-Hand by Gisoreux de Ponthieu.
Just read this, and it's very good writing. I have a few criticisms, however, though minor:
• don't put speech in italics, but put thoughts into italics ... just my personal preference, but I find writing reads more naturally like that.
• I spotted a few punctuation errors, most notably a few commas instead of semi colons, and ' ...," ' instead of what I believe to be correct ' "..." '
• At the end, it is clear you implied some kind of sexual act, or at least them kissing: "Her soft hands slowly caressed his shoulders, exploring and venturing deeper and deeper. Her lips were cold to the touch but tasted sweet. Josserand closed his eyes and didn’t open them again until the next morning. ". Leave that out. It's not necessary, and seems random, merely added because you felt like it ... it could fit, but not really when you're referring to the Fey Enchantress. Well written, but I feel it would be bettre without it.
A few very minor points, and otherwise very good ... your writing seems half-background, half-story, in its overall style which works very well and is very well written.
A fantastic read: I was hooked from the start. You're a very good writer, Gisoreux.
I know but the publisher of this webpage screws up Word formats: paragraphs are molded together and if one pushes enter it leaves too much space between lines. I'm sure you know this of course. So to make a clear difference between the spoken and writen, I choose a less favourite form (of mine as well): italic.
Every writer has their own standards on interpunctions, I'm afraid. Some use comma's all the time while others never use them. I try to follow the standard use of Dutch interpunction which might look odd to native speakers.
I've been balancing this ever since I started writing it: on some days I feel like it belongs there, others I tend towards childishness. Fact is though that it does belongs to the reputation of the servants of the lady and it is more authentic. Medieval literature mostly held some sort of pun to the nasty.
All in all I'm glad you liked it and took the time to critise my work.
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Re:Josserand One-Hand
Jun 13 2008 18:34
Absolutely loved the story. I personally don't think it is your best work so far but I would be lying if I said im not hoping for a sequel  |
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Re:Josserand One-Hand
Jun 13 2008 18:47
I agree: the ideas I had (and still have) were too much too put into one short story. Give me some time to regain my creativity and I might give a sequal a go.
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Re:Josserand One-Hand
Jun 15 2008 10:02
Gisoreux de Ponthieu wrote:
I know but the publisher of this webpage screws up Word formats: paragraphs are molded together and if one pushes enter it leaves too much space between lines.
That's actually Word screwing up the text it copies into the clipboard. There is a button "Paste from Word" in the editor, that should fix up most things. Did you try it?
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Re:Josserand One-Hand
Jun 20 2008 15:12
That was one of the best storys I've ever heard.
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Re:Josserand One-Hand
Jun 20 2008 15:16
Lord Corbus, while it may be a great story ... please, no threadomancy. I've seen a quite a few one-liner posts in the last few weeks, often raising threads from the depths, and it's beginning to annoy me ... so just to say, please don't post on old threads or just to raise your rank.
Guillaume: hadn't seen that ... thanks, it'll be useful to stop me having to re-format all of Avenger VIII (longest so far, and not halfway through!). |
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