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Josserand One-Hand PDF Print E-mail
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Written by Gisoreux de Ponthieu   
Thursday, 12 June 2008
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Josserand One-Hand
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As he woke from his deep sleep his mother had been caressing his hair, running her strong, slim fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”

“No, of course not. However this is not the time and place to rest.”

“I’d no idea you have been this exhausted or I’d called you tomorrow.”

“Doesn’t matter. How do you feel?”

“Better, actually more awake then these past days,” she added with a reassuringly smile and wake eyes. Then the smile disappeared and her look grew rueful.“My dear son, it seems like just yesterday when we left home for here and you have grown ever so much over these past years. It is time you know why we had no other choice.” She paused awhile, seemingly contemplating her next words carefully. “Do you remember that day your father and I reprimanded you for something that seemed natural to you? The incident with the horse?”

Josserand merely nodded as he did not welcome to remember that day. “You have a talent, awesome in power yet fearsome as well. My dear boy, it is called magic and some who wander this world seem to be able to use it for their purposes. It is completely natural yet only few are gifted as you. It required great concentration and responsibility for with great power comes great danger. Over these years you seemed reluctant to use it, this is good since it should never be more than a last solution. Using magic for vain purposes is a waste and a sin.  You see when a child, born Bretonnian, shows his affinity for the arcane, it is taken away by the Fay.”

The Fay? Josserand thought to himself. The fair folk in legends and myths to scare children into behaving? What have they to do with this? "Led by the fearsome Fay Enchantress they take this children deep into the enchanted forest. What happens there is a mystery for all safe the chosen and they don’t tell. We ran away from your fate a couple of months later.”

“If this is my fate, why?”

“Since the chosen of the Lady, introduced to her secrets and will, are only those of the female gender. Never had a man returned from the forest. I pray you forgive us but we couldn’t let that happen. Ever since that day your father and I had been planning for you and I to escape if she would come to claim you for Her.”

Something finally dawned on Josserand: “That’s why we pray for forgiveness each fortnight. These secluded keep far from life. All this secrecy.”

His mother merely nodded in reply.

I can’t start to express my gratitude, mother, to you and father for the risks you took. I do not like the sound of those who disappear never to return and thank the Lady, no..., you for this.”

“Your father will arrive with all his household knights next year in order to fulfil your oath of the Errant. Then you will be beyond the grasp of Loren as the damsels hold no power of knights. Prepare for this day, for it will be the day we shall return home at last, my son.” They sat both in thoughts at each other side for a while until the stomach of Josserand protested.

 


Last Updated ( Friday, 26 December 2008 )
 
Discuss (7 posts)
Josserand One-Hand Jun 13 2008 17:21
This thread discusses the Content article: Josserand One-Hand by Gisoreux de Ponthieu.





Just read this, and it's very good writing. I have a few criticisms, however, though minor:

• don't put speech in italics, but put thoughts into italics ... just my personal preference, but I find writing reads more naturally like that.

• I spotted a few punctuation errors, most notably a few commas instead of semi colons, and ' ...," ' instead of what I believe to be correct ' "..." '

• At the end, it is clear you implied some kind of sexual act, or at least them kissing: "Her soft hands slowly caressed his shoulders, exploring and venturing deeper and deeper. Her lips were cold to the touch but tasted sweet. Josserand closed his eyes and didn’t open them again until the next morning. ". Leave that out. It's not necessary, and seems random, merely added because you felt like it ... it could fit, but not really when you're referring to the Fey Enchantress. Well written, but I feel it would be bettre without it.


A few very minor points, and otherwise very good ... your writing seems half-background, half-story, in its overall style which works very well and is very well written.

A fantastic read: I was hooked from the start. You're a very good writer, Gisoreux.
Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 13 2008 18:25
MutantMaggot wrote:
This thread discusses the Content article: Josserand One-Hand by Gisoreux de Ponthieu.





Just read this, and it's very good writing. I have a few criticisms, however, though minor:

• don't put speech in italics, but put thoughts into italics ... just my personal preference, but I find writing reads more naturally like that.

• I spotted a few punctuation errors, most notably a few commas instead of semi colons, and ' ...," ' instead of what I believe to be correct ' "..." '

• At the end, it is clear you implied some kind of sexual act, or at least them kissing: "Her soft hands slowly caressed his shoulders, exploring and venturing deeper and deeper. Her lips were cold to the touch but tasted sweet. Josserand closed his eyes and didn’t open them again until the next morning. ". Leave that out. It's not necessary, and seems random, merely added because you felt like it ... it could fit, but not really when you're referring to the Fey Enchantress. Well written, but I feel it would be bettre without it.


A few very minor points, and otherwise very good ... your writing seems half-background, half-story, in its overall style which works very well and is very well written.

A fantastic read: I was hooked from the start. You're a very good writer, Gisoreux.


  • I know but the publisher of this webpage screws up Word formats: paragraphs are molded together and if one pushes enter it leaves too much space between lines. I'm sure you know this of course. So to make a clear difference between the spoken and writen, I choose a less favourite form (of mine as well): italic.

  • Every writer has their own standards on interpunctions, I'm afraid. Some use comma's all the time while others never use them. I try to follow the standard use of Dutch interpunction which might look odd to native speakers.

  • I've been balancing this ever since I started writing it: on some days I feel like it belongs there, others I tend towards childishness. Fact is though that it does belongs to the reputation of the servants of the lady and it is more authentic. Medieval literature mostly held some sort of pun to the nasty.


  • All in all I'm glad you liked it and took the time to critise my work.
    Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 13 2008 18:34
    Absolutely loved the story. I personally don't think it is your best work so far but I would be lying if I said im not hoping for a sequel
    Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 13 2008 18:47
    I agree: the ideas I had (and still have) were too much too put into one short story. Give me some time to regain my creativity and I might give a sequal a go.
    Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 15 2008 10:02
    Gisoreux de Ponthieu wrote:

    I know but the publisher of this webpage screws up Word formats: paragraphs are molded together and if one pushes enter it leaves too much space between lines.

    That's actually Word screwing up the text it copies into the clipboard. There is a button "Paste from Word" in the editor, that should fix up most things. Did you try it?
    Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 20 2008 15:12
    That was one of the best storys I've ever heard.
    Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 20 2008 15:16
    Lord Corbus, while it may be a great story ... please, no threadomancy. I've seen a quite a few one-liner posts in the last few weeks, often raising threads from the depths, and it's beginning to annoy me ... so just to say, please don't post on old threads or just to raise your rank.

    Guillaume: hadn't seen that ... thanks, it'll be useful to stop me having to re-format all of Avenger VIII (longest so far, and not halfway through!).


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