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Josserand One-Hand PDF Print E-mail
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Written by Gisoreux de Ponthieu   
Thursday, 12 June 2008
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Josserand One-Hand
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T

hose that harness the power of the Lady can be divided in two: the strong right hand of her divine wrath, the proud and chivalrous knights, mostly male and raised from birth to knighthood and the left hand of guidance and her will, her female servants. Thus was the great divide decreed by her infinite wisdom and kept in order for hundreds of years: women hiding their inherent weaknesses to fight on the field of battle were rare and shunned for ages while there likewise never returned a male, born with the arcane fire, from the wide and perilous forests of Loren. The story of Josserand is unique in many ways which I’ll now narrate to you.

 

The birth of Josserand preluded a couple of years of happiness and joy in the family as he was heir to the name and realm of his father. So overwhelmed by the coming of this child they took every precaution to shield it from harm and sickness: never to be left alone without a nursing maid or bodyguard, his mother prepared  his meals with the outmost care and the serfs never even saw their young heir until late. To protect it from every little detail they broke several ancient customs like the showing of a new lord to his future loyal subjects, the first pledges of allegiances of his soon-to-be faithful household knights and his first exercises he had to endure alone without any sword buddies. It is easy to understand he became a silent, brooding youth, quite to himself and with near no sense of humour or emotions. Six years passed and the child knew none other than his loving mother, his strict but fair father who taught him the basics of swordplay and horseback ride and his nursing maid who was his first and only friend. A second mother to shield his young from danger.

The first manifestation was a fright to both parents: one of the hold’s cats had passed away but prowled the corridors of the keep back soon though not quite the same. The cat’s second life didn’t seem to last however as the young spark faded soon after. The parents and their retinue choose to not to think about their mistake and ignored the incident until two years later.  

Josserand, though silent and keeping his inner self for himself, could sometimes explode into a fit of rage at a sudden and unexpected problem. These outbursts were not that troubling and regarded as fitting for the strong and devoted heir he would become one day. One spring’s day however his talent became apparent even to his parents as he openly displayed his power. During a routine saddleback exercise a young mare suddenly and violently reared as he was stung by one of the horse flies. Its scare was so great it propelled the young Josserand from its saddle, hurling him luckily into a bale of hay. His normally emotionless expression turned into a furious snarl as his parents ran to his aid. Before they could reach the young boy, Josserand had already grasped the reins.  

“She needs to be punished: no proud warhorse of mine can be scared of something so small.”

He put his hand against her neck and his eyebrows focussed on his malignant attempt. The horse whinnied woefully against the dark energies flowing through its veins, protesting and trying to escape the cold touch. It could not however escape the cruel magic, weakening its body and it was forced to its knees. With eyes fraught with peril it then collapsed to the ground, fainting and losing its fight against the dark arcane. Only then the wrathful son released its grip from the poor horse, which lay in pain on the floor in a puddle of misery, breathing deeply and severely weakened. The parents had looked on in shock at this display: their precious son had powers of beyond and they were clearly evil. His mother was first to react and her hand connected sharply with his cheek.  

“You cannot ever use that... thing again, do you hear!”

“Son, it’s dangerous to show your affinity with that strong magic here. Heed your mother and obey,” his father said sternly, equally shocked but fighting to keep it under control.

Then an unspoken thought disturbed them and they went off to the keep, leaving a confused and scared child behind.Josserand obeyed his parents for the several months that would last in the keep of his family, intimidated by the violent reactions. The servants in the keep tried to avoid him, whispering to themselves only to stop as he passed. He could read the fear in their eyes which made him feel outcast and hurt. Josserand vowed never to use his ability again lest there be good reason too. He didn’t see his parents much those months as they were busy planning. Planning what? Josserand had no idea.



Last Updated ( Friday, 26 December 2008 )
 
Discuss (7 posts)
Josserand One-Hand Jun 13 2008 17:21
This thread discusses the Content article: Josserand One-Hand by Gisoreux de Ponthieu.





Just read this, and it's very good writing. I have a few criticisms, however, though minor:

• don't put speech in italics, but put thoughts into italics ... just my personal preference, but I find writing reads more naturally like that.

• I spotted a few punctuation errors, most notably a few commas instead of semi colons, and ' ...," ' instead of what I believe to be correct ' "..." '

• At the end, it is clear you implied some kind of sexual act, or at least them kissing: "Her soft hands slowly caressed his shoulders, exploring and venturing deeper and deeper. Her lips were cold to the touch but tasted sweet. Josserand closed his eyes and didn’t open them again until the next morning. ". Leave that out. It's not necessary, and seems random, merely added because you felt like it ... it could fit, but not really when you're referring to the Fey Enchantress. Well written, but I feel it would be bettre without it.


A few very minor points, and otherwise very good ... your writing seems half-background, half-story, in its overall style which works very well and is very well written.

A fantastic read: I was hooked from the start. You're a very good writer, Gisoreux.
Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 13 2008 18:25
MutantMaggot wrote:
This thread discusses the Content article: Josserand One-Hand by Gisoreux de Ponthieu.





Just read this, and it's very good writing. I have a few criticisms, however, though minor:

• don't put speech in italics, but put thoughts into italics ... just my personal preference, but I find writing reads more naturally like that.

• I spotted a few punctuation errors, most notably a few commas instead of semi colons, and ' ...," ' instead of what I believe to be correct ' "..." '

• At the end, it is clear you implied some kind of sexual act, or at least them kissing: "Her soft hands slowly caressed his shoulders, exploring and venturing deeper and deeper. Her lips were cold to the touch but tasted sweet. Josserand closed his eyes and didn’t open them again until the next morning. ". Leave that out. It's not necessary, and seems random, merely added because you felt like it ... it could fit, but not really when you're referring to the Fey Enchantress. Well written, but I feel it would be bettre without it.


A few very minor points, and otherwise very good ... your writing seems half-background, half-story, in its overall style which works very well and is very well written.

A fantastic read: I was hooked from the start. You're a very good writer, Gisoreux.


  • I know but the publisher of this webpage screws up Word formats: paragraphs are molded together and if one pushes enter it leaves too much space between lines. I'm sure you know this of course. So to make a clear difference between the spoken and writen, I choose a less favourite form (of mine as well): italic.

  • Every writer has their own standards on interpunctions, I'm afraid. Some use comma's all the time while others never use them. I try to follow the standard use of Dutch interpunction which might look odd to native speakers.

  • I've been balancing this ever since I started writing it: on some days I feel like it belongs there, others I tend towards childishness. Fact is though that it does belongs to the reputation of the servants of the lady and it is more authentic. Medieval literature mostly held some sort of pun to the nasty.


  • All in all I'm glad you liked it and took the time to critise my work.
    Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 13 2008 18:34
    Absolutely loved the story. I personally don't think it is your best work so far but I would be lying if I said im not hoping for a sequel
    Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 13 2008 18:47
    I agree: the ideas I had (and still have) were too much too put into one short story. Give me some time to regain my creativity and I might give a sequal a go.
    Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 15 2008 10:02
    Gisoreux de Ponthieu wrote:

    I know but the publisher of this webpage screws up Word formats: paragraphs are molded together and if one pushes enter it leaves too much space between lines.

    That's actually Word screwing up the text it copies into the clipboard. There is a button "Paste from Word" in the editor, that should fix up most things. Did you try it?
    Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 20 2008 15:12
    That was one of the best storys I've ever heard.
    Re:Josserand One-Hand Jun 20 2008 15:16
    Lord Corbus, while it may be a great story ... please, no threadomancy. I've seen a quite a few one-liner posts in the last few weeks, often raising threads from the depths, and it's beginning to annoy me ... so just to say, please don't post on old threads or just to raise your rank.

    Guillaume: hadn't seen that ... thanks, it'll be useful to stop me having to re-format all of Avenger VIII (longest so far, and not halfway through!).


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