Okay so this goes out to all those nice people who have made me recognize that I spam too much... Gisoreux de Ponthieu, Guillaume le Courageux, Sir Hillier, Lord Uther Di Austurien, etc etc... those are just some main people

I would like to give credit for totally helping me with the design to: Sir Hillier

A lot of work went into all of this to actually think of the possible moves a spammer and administrator might have. Guillaume... don't hate me for making you a peasant  I wanted to change things up a little

Jean Marcel le Spammeur

Points: 312 points, 419 pts with Skie

Jean has the Knight's Vow

Jean Marcel does not start with the blessing of the lady and cannot achieve it, the Lady does not approve of Spamming.

Equipment: Keyboard (+1 Strength, counts as a Hand Weapon), Computer Monitor (Shield), Computer Case (Heavy Armor), Large Joystick (Counts as a Lance)

Special Rules:

Shield of Words: Jean has a 4+ Ward Save gained from his magical shield of spamming words

Spam: every turn (opponent’s and your own) the Bretonnian player must roll a die. On a 5, 4, 3, 2, or a 1, Jean spams a post. This results in the roll of another die roll. On a 4, 3, 2, or a 1 Jean spams again, again the die is rolled on a 3, 2, or a 1 and then a 2 or a 1 and then a 1. These rolls, failed or passed, are ALL rolled.

Jean spams at strength two with a range of 5x the Number of spams made in total. All enemy units. All models killed by the spam can be explained as their head has exploded as it tried to reason how the spam fit into the conversation 

Stubborn: Jean won’t shut up and stop spamming therefore counts as Stubborn.

Interruption: In Close Combat, Jean always attacks before anyone else as he interrupts them and spams before they can speak.

Greatest Bretonnian Spammer: Due to his great “deeds”, when Jean is reduced to a single wound he spams a strength 5, no armor saving spam against all enemy models in base contact with him in the round he is reduced to one wound before he is removed as a casualty (if he happens to need to be) and before combat resolution as well.

Magical Items:

The Moderator: The enemy General automatically gets an extra blade called “The Moderator” which protects all enemy units from Jean’s Spamming within 8 inches of the model.

Jean's Keyboard: Jean attacks with a keyboard always (except for his "lance" on the charge). His hands blaze so fast that all his attacks count as flaming. The keyboard, because he is so skilled with it, gives Jean +1 strength.

Jean's Monitor: As this is used as his shield, Jean gains an extra +1 to his armor save for it being a thick, huge screen, and he receives re-rolls for all armor saves. (Giving Jean an unmodified 3+ armor save with re-rolls)

Guillaume le Courageux- The Administrator

Guillaume has the Peasant's Duty

Guillaume is represented on the field by a special Yeoman that accompanies Jean on all his journeys!

Points: Guillaume (with his horse) is 269 pts.

Equipment: Longbow, Random Magical Administrator Staff (makes him a Level 2 Wizard), Light Armor, Shield, Spear, Hand Weapon

Thread Lock       6+

If this spell is cast, all and any enemy units within 12” of Guillaume move at half speed and must take a panic test. This happens because Jean spammed so much that he caused a popular thread to close, leaving others to wonder in panic where they can go to talk next without him spamming.

Account Lock     8+

This spell can be targeted at any single target on the table within vision. If cast, Guillaume locks the account of such chosen unit/model and they cannot move for the next turn and takes an immediate strength 3 hit.

Common Sense: Due to Guillaume’s knowing better then everyone else, he can always count his initiative as one higher then the enemy’s

Flood Protection: In close combat, Guillaume’s bloody rage to stop Jean’s flooding of the board causes all enemy models in close combat with Guillaume to take a leadership test. All those who failed have their attacks taken away from them for that turn.

Edit Post: If within 6 inches of Jean during his use of the move “Spam” all his spam posts become strength 4 as Guillaume can make a little more sense of it.

Magical Items:

Random Magical Administrator Staff: Guillaume’s staff isn’t all that great… it only works if you roll a 3+ but it does grant him an extra power dice if it begins to work.

Administrative Helmet: Because he’s an administrator, Guillaume receives a 3+ ward save from his oh-so-awesome Official Magical Administrator Helmet.

Longbow of the Ages: A longbow created at the time of the beginning of the forum, it is a strength 4, 30 inch range bow. Any model can be selected if within vision and range. In addition, due to his awesome administrative powers, Guillaume may fire 2 arrows in Bretonnian turn. One of which must be fired during the normal shooting phase, the other right before Jean's Spam in attempt to give Jean no targets to spam at. If it so happens Jean spams 4 or 5 spams in the turn besides his attempt to stop him, Guillaume fires an arrow at Jean if within range.

Skie, le Spammeur's Pegasus

Special Rules:

Hates Spamming: If Jean spams 4 or 5 posts in any turn, Skie will get mad and attempt to throw him off of his back. On a 4+ Skie accomplishes this and Jean takes a Strength 2 hit. He will then immediately mount his Pegasus again.

Random Flight of the Spammer: Skie must take a leadership check, if failed you must roll a scatter dice and 10 D6. 9 of the D6 do nothing, only one of any number you choose can be used. The number you choose is the distance flown into the direction pointed by the Scatter Dice. If the dice lands on a misfire (!) then Skie stays put.

Discuss this article in the Forums...